Clingy or Affectionate: Where do we draw the line?
When we think clingy we usually associate it with women, however: men can be just as clingy. In fact, they may even be worse-- give or take how good you put it on them.
Often times people get caught up in the lovey dovey cupcake phase of a relationship that they can't see the early signs of a stage 5 clinger. While some catch the signs quickly, unfortunately others don't realize until feelings have grown mutually and gradually. Now here you are months into your relationship only to find out you're dating a psycho.
Before we continue, we must first differentiate the two. What does it mean to be clingy, and what does being affectionate feel like?
C L I N G Y
"When a boyfriend/girlfriend is so obsessed with you, they just don't want to leave your side and they just want to spend time with you everytime they see you."
A F F E C T I O N A T E
"A physical way of showing just how much you love someone. Its a fondness that consumes you. Wanting to touch, tickle, kiss, hug, or hold."
Clingy-ness will have to ready to pull your hair out, gasping for breath. Affectionate leaves you smiling trying to catch your breath. See the difference?
Now that we've distinguished the two: exactly what separates neediness from affection and a healthy desire to spend time with your partner? Where do we draw the line that makes us take a step back and say "I need space."
Signs you are, or are dealing with someone clingy:
Texting ALL day and night- How do you have this much free time to always be available 24 hours of the day? You seriously mean to tell me you have nothing to do? Not even work??
Wanting to tag along with everything you do- You don't have friends to hang with? No errands to run? A hobby? Do yourself a favor and please go find some business.
Over analyzing social media posts - First things first, don't ask about anything you saw on the internet. Its all for shits and giggles. Laugh a little, bitch. Stalking someone's social media is obsessive and off-rip you're asking to get your feelings hurt. Save yourself that pain.
Overstaying your welcome - Spending more than half of your week at their house. It's okay to spend a night or two, I'll even give you three nights at someone's house. Anything more than that is a no no. And don't think you're staying over three CONSECUTIVE nights. Please, go home.
I could go on with the list of red flags to a clinger, but we'll end it here. Unfortunately, a lot of people think if you aren't displaying some signs of clingy then you aren't showing your interest.
You don't have to come off as clingy to let them know you like them. I'm not sure who lied to y'all and told you that its cute to be a stage 5 clinger, but news flash... it isn't. Coming off clingy does nothing for you but push your partner away rather than bring them in. So how can you express your interest without scaring them off? Easy.
Ways to show your affection without coming off clingy:
Identify your love language- Different strokes for different folk. Everyone is different, it's essential to figure out what your partner likes and doesn't like when it comes to expressing themselves. This alone itself will save you some heartbreak.
Digging deeper - Being affectionate doesn't have to always mean being physical. You can show your affection by simply asking about hopes, dreams, and goals. Now don't confuse this with prying, you want to make sure the feelings mutual. If not, you're nosy and boom labeled clingy.
PDA - Holding hands, kissing, hugging, is always a good reassurance that someone is into you. Nothing shows you're feeling someone like a little public display of affection. But let's not overdue it, because too much of it is cringing.
Gifts and gestures - They don't have to be extravagant or expensive, a simple gesture like bringing them lunch on their break, a home cooked meal, telling them to put their seat belt on. Cute shit. It's the little things that count, you know?
The key to being affectionate is knowing when to cut it off. Too much affection can become overbearing. You don't want to become someone's shadow. You need your own space, own life , own friends.
I never understood how someone can want to willingly be in someone else's space, up under them all the time. Like dang, can I have some time to miss you? It's okay to not see each other everyday, it's okay to not talk to them everyday. There ain't that much conversation in the world to talk to someone EVERY second of the day.
While some people genuinely enjoy clingy, I just can't get with it. There's nothing cute about being possessive and obsessive. All that triple texting, throwing temper tantrums when they're going out, over-thinking shit is for the birds. The minute you start showing those signs, please do us both a favor and block me back.
I suppose finding your balance between clingy and caring can be hard, especially when you just started dating someone new. You don't want to come off as crazy, but you're overwhelmed and joyed by this new person. and want them to know you're interested. I get it. Well, really I don't. Me personally, I'm neither clingy nor affectionate, but that's a different story for a different day.
Whether you are someone that is totally unaffectionate or over the top lovey-dovey, it’s all good as long as you are on the same page. Notice, I said page. Not book, not chapter.
See, a clingy person will smother you, but only if you let them. It's important to set boundaries early on to avoid an ugly ending. It's not always easy to tell someone you need space, but it's better to deal with it at the sign of the first red flag rather than brushing it off and having to blow up because you feel like you have a stalker.